So I Went to Mexico with a Boy and Other Confessions

Sorry to leave you hanging yesterday, but I couldn't come back from 2 weeks of absence and hit you with substance. I had to get back into the writing flow with something shallow like the length and color of my hair. It was also an attempt to cleverly attract you while simultaneously buying time to write the vacation recap + other confessions.

To be honest, I've been away from blogging for so long that I wasn't sure if Kathy still hosted confessions on Wednesdays, if people still used twitter or if hashtags were even still a thing. #TheyAre #Blessed. Actually I was also surprised to see there was a new iPhone out, like I've been living in a cave or something.

That's how removed I've been from the internet world the last few months and I want to come clean with my list of reasons for being so remorselessly MIA:

1. Work
2. Summer
3. A Boy

While I'd love to tell you exactly what "work" and "summer' mean, I know you really just came here to read about the boy-carrot I've been dangling in front of you for about a month now. (btw, google image search "boy carrot" for a giggle).

The slightly ironic thing about today's confession is that this isn't the first time I've talked about this boy here on this blog.  If you need to catch up, here's the post you might remember. #SpoilerAlert

Through the events that played out as a result of work and summer, we were reunited 75 days after we had mutually decided to spend the rest of our forevers apart. And I mean forever. Quickly through our re-connection, the sparks, the magic and the happy fuzzy feels of being back in contact caught us both by surprise.

From my point of view, an anxious and uneasy surprise. From his, "a pleasant one".

You see, the sparks and the feels were there before and arguably had never died, but we stuffed those beautiful beams of light into a tiny box - locked it, threw away the key, buried the box a mile under ground and erected the next world's tallest building with a "shit-load of concrete" on top of it. Hoping and willing that those sparks and feels would never again see the light of day.

But duh, you know as well as I do that magic and sparks can't be forced into darkness.

The time that we spent apart concealing that magic was liberating, eye opening and extremely helpful for resetting my personal value, my self-worth and experiencing the blossom effect that happens after a break-up. Repairing myself and rebuilding into something better was time well spent, but when those sparks rose from the dead and waved themselves frantically in front of my face, they suggested that I give this man and this terrifying thing called love another chance. A chance that I've since tried to sabotage, a chance that I've since tried to nourish and a chance that I owe to the decisions and sacrifices that have led us here.

So this boy (who I can't really call a "boy" as he's 4 years my senior) and I live 2,000 miles from each other. Aside from hours on FaceTime and quick weekend trips, we don't get to touch each others faces more than the pets we give on the front-facing iPhone camera (you can turn away now from the mush, but I'm just getting to the vacation recap). Because of all this apart-ness, we planned a week-long tropical Mexico vacation to serve as our last escape before a crazy few months ahead in our careers.

Ole! Onto the good parts! By the way... his name is Brian.

Brian and I met up in Dallas for our connecting flight to Cancun and we were so excited to get Popeye's Chicken see each other at the airport that we almost missed our flight. We didn't have seats booked together but somehow he negotiated the aisles across from each other. Meanwhile I was busy doing my part by gracefully spilling 20oz of water into the aisle, accompanied by a chorus of gasps from the witnessing passengers.

When we made it to Cancun we grabbed some cervezas and jumped on the shuttle that took us an hour south to my first all-inclusive resort experience. Our room overlooked the "adults only" side along with the dolphin / manatee tank where they did daily swim experiences.

Between the food, the booze, the pools and the entertainment - the place where we spent the most quality time was at the life-sized chess board.

Let me preface that one of the qualities that I find most attractive about this guy is his brain, followed closely by his competitive spirit. He's brilliant. Put those two things together with a person who's never played chess before (against me who was in the Chess club through 4th grade) and you don't need alcohol for entertainment. Things got heated as I continued to chirp "check" and asked "now why would you move that there?".

Since Mexico he's drastically improved his chess game but I'll just take the credit as my solid teaching. Right?

The week was spent within the grounds of the resort - overlooking the ocean, kayaking, renting a cabana, playing pool bingo, beating him in pool H-O-R-S-E and pool P-I-G (he is athletic, I promise. He beat me in a footrace on the beach), trying out the restaurants, dusting off my Spanish minor with some translation assistance and watching classic films I'd never seen like Blazing Saddles and Something About Mary.

I even convinced his sleepy-head to wake up with me for the sunrise on our last day (that he continued to actually call the "sunset" because I don't think he's ever woken up for a sunrise).

We avoided the flood of work emails that were coming in as much as possible and  kept our phones tucked away in the hotel safe - which is the main reason for so few photos. We ordered corn dogs from room service like it was our last meal. And lastly maybe because of the corn dogs we spent a ton of time battling each other for the toilet - absolutely THE most romantic time we've ever spent together.

Positive side - I didn't get a sunburn and I haven't been peeling my skin like I did after the week I spent in Belize earlier this summer. #winning

[Brian Wants To Interject: "Hey! I like how you didn't mention that I beat you in ping-pong and spoke Spanish better than you. Or that I won a bracelet for the dog you in pool bingo.]

Oh yeah, he won this bracelet for me and I haven't taken it off since!

In short, Brian's pretty special to me and we had a wonderful escape from reality together.

My favorite memory from the trip was tackling each other in the cold sand and staring up at the stars while we threw handfuls of sand in each other's hair. Also, when I come back in another life I want to be a manatee. They were the cutest cows of the sea that did nothing but love and snuggle on one another. What a sweet existence.

I'm excited that my "coming out party" got to be with my Wednesday confessions. Mainly it just feels good to share what's been making me so happy and blog-absent.

Really where I could use your help today is to send your good vibes. He's coming to visit this weekend and will be meeting my parents for the first time! Over Chicken & Waffles, naturally.

Give him your worst, Angie!

Go Link Up with Kathy!

TED Tuesday: To Win or To Succeed

If given the option to either win or succeed, which would you choose?

If you're anything like me, your first reaction is to say 'win'. I'm a competitor at heart and if you have a game to play, I'm going to do anything I can to come out on top.

Pause: Career Chat ahead!

Even with all of the good things it seems like are happening at work, I'm non-stop behind and feel like I'm failing at every turn. Staying up late, 14 hours in the office yesterday, giving my everything just hasn't been cutting it - but seriously, by what standards?

The feeling of 'failure' comes from the high expectations placed upon me and just not enough time, not enough support and sometimes not enough energy to do a great job like I'm used to doing.

Jumping over hurdles that high isn't always possible. Unless you're this guy:

John Wooden defines Success as "Peace of mind attained only through self-satisfaction and knowing you made the effort to do the best of which you're capable."

Yes.

What I'm missing from my current state of being is having that peace of mind and self-satisfaction for all of the work I'm doing. As many of my co-workers know, I often strut around the office because I'm so smitten with everything our team does day in and day out for the business. Lately it's been a different Jessi - one who shows defeat on her face, doesn't walk as tall as she should and isn't satisfied with her efforts as her standards for herself are too high along with the expectations of others.

I'm not trying to be better than anyone else, I'm trying to be better than I've ever been before.

Healthy approach, but I think where I can help myself is by appreciating my own work, patting myself on the back, and measuring myself against who I was the day prior, not what every external source expects me to be.

And with that take advice from everyone around me to be vocal about what help I need, where I need it, and how to better set everyone up for success. Sometimes you need people who are looking in to tell you to pause and reset - and I'm ready to listen.

I re-played 30 seconds from this video over and over again to get this entire quotation and I think it's perfect.

"You should never try to be better than someone else, always learn from others and never cease trying to be the best you can be. That's under your control.  And if you get too engrossed and involved and concerned in regard to the things over which you have no control, it will adversely affect the things over which you have control."

Just like I learned long ago through my time spend on the diamond - control the controllables and the rest will fall into place.

[ted id=498]