See Ya Never, February!

The last day of February is usually pretty exciting because there's always been something about the idea of March that gets me in a good mood. March usually means starting to see the sunshine, 10 times during the month if we're lucky. March means Madness (NCAA basketball if you were confused)! March is easier to say than February which I shorten to Feb any chance possible. 

March has a lot of bright to look forward to, especially kicking it off with a closet purging and organizing Saturday with mom. A little spring cleaning, if you will! Brooke I'll have a closet for you to shop through before the Goodwill dump. 

Mom already came by this week to make good on her housecleaning gift from Christmas, so it'll be good to get straight to the projects to make up for my less than productive last weekend.  

To finish off the week right, let's see what I've been up to the last 5 days - in GIFs! 

Monday:

I'm back on a hair-curling kick (this happens every spring / summer) and was told I was rocking a Kate Middleton look (IT WAS 3RD DAY HAIR, GUYS!). Here's your proof.

Tuesday:

Joined Influenster! ....Now what? Ladies, help!

Wednesday:

Legitimately serious that I'm not quite ready to enter the dating pool. I'm just going to spin around here on this deck, dude detox to the max like this wise and happy orca! 

Thursday:

Don't make fun, but I got 16 comments on Thursday's post about the tail wagging the dog (puppy gifs included). I say no jokes because that's my top # since moving over to blogger. I'm not much of a blog-stat junkie but this makes me feel good about my life choices. High five for you guys!

Friday:

Saying goodbye is never easy, at least this bear is adorable and makes my heart warm.

SEE YA NEVER, FEBRUARY! oh yeah, till next year.

Going to send you off with my recent late-to-the-party pump up anthem:

The Tail is Wagging the Dog

It's not often enough that I take a step back from the routine of everyday life and observe. 

If we could fast forward my Monday through Friday, you'd see an endless loop of the following: The alarm goes off and I get up, I take a shower and do my hair and make-up, drive a half hour - work for 8-9 hours, drive an hour back, work out for 30-60, shower again, dinner, blog, netflix and instagram my way to sleep. 

This sounds like you and everyone else you know, right?

Today's post is inspired by a phrase I heard yesterday at work and I couldn't stop laughing. 

"The tail is wagging the dog" I heard. Sounds silly right? It probably looks something like this:

That corgi, I just can't. 

Okay, don't lose me here while I talk seriously about tails wagging and metaphorical puppy nonsense. 

The thought of the tail wagging the dog got me thinking. It's backwards, right? Dogs wag their tails when they're happy. The tail is an indicator of happiness. If the dog feels good, the tail goes wild. Simple as that. If the tail is wagging the dog, the effect is creating the cause. The smallest part is controlling the whole. The head is not telling the heart, the heart is telling the head. 

Where I'm getting serious and knee deep in feelings today is that for a long time I don't feel like I've been wagging my own tail. My happiness has been there because my tail's been wagging, but it's been only trying to convince me that I'm happy. There's been anticipation and promise of happy. There's been a fantasy of happy. There's been outside perception of happy. But sadly it hasn't been the true deep down, silent-in-a-dark-room, bursting-at-the-seams feeling of happy. A feeling that I've known much of my life and have missed feeling for a while. 

My slap-happy tail wagging bliss comes when I accomplish something I've set a goal towards or find something new that I'm passionate about. It's when I make someone's day for no damn reason other than to do it. It's when something feels undeniably right, when there's nothing to hide and no hurdles to jump. It's exercise and mental health for myself, not for anyone else. These are the moments that you may as well just imagine my soul lives in this little amazing fur ball. 

So with the start of March coming up in two days I want to find ways to wag my own tail. Create my own happiness. Not let life dictate when I can and can't feel happy, and be able to make happy out of nothing but my own two hands. 

Things that are going to get me wagging:

Me time. 

Passion. 

Goal setting. 

Education. 

Travel. 

Experience. 

Cravings. 

Service. 

Rest. 

Love. 

Now is a time to stop sweating the petty things. 

And definitely a time to continue to not pet the sweaty things!

Thanks for sticking with me today, I reeled you in with the puppy gifs didn't I?

Humpday Confessions #1

How exciting! 

Today I'm playing along today in Kathy's link-up where we confess all the things and include some silly gifs to support our statements. I've never joined in but I think it can be a really great way to spout out all the random crap that happens in my world on the day to day. 

Without any hesitation, let's jump straight into all of the fun! 

- People seem to think I'm pretty organized, but truth be told that I don't know what I'm writing about tomorrow, or the next day, or three days after that. I'd be a much better blogger and community member if I wasn't having to spend the weekdays putting it all together, so someday unlikely maybe I'll get my ish together. 

- I consider myself to eat paleo, but probably only 90%. The other 10% of my diet without doing any scientific calculations happen to be cheese and alcohol. The bread, pasta, beans, rice, sweets don't get me - but queso and cold ones, why can't I quit you?

- Drunk me would agree that all of these things are true (thanks Buzzfeed). "CAN'T MATH, HERE YOU GO!"

- I was so excited about joining in this week that this post draft began on the weekend. Don't make fun, I had wine in my hand and tried staring the House of Cards series that everyone has been raving so much about. truth talk - I have a really short attention span when it comes to starting a new series and when I'm drinking red wine. 

- Found out via snapchat that it's shark week for several of my blog ladies, near and far. It's a real phenomenon, this shark week thing. (jumpingje for the snappers out there)

- I took laundry out of the dryer mid-last week and I set it on the bed. As of this morning it's still on my bed and I manage it by pullng the clean clothes from the pile. It was only workout stuff so don't judge me for making all my clothes wrinkly - but yes I agree that this is a serious single lazy habit.

- I confess that I love this girl and really hope that she moves north soon. Just look at how adorable she is. If you don't follow her you've missed out on some amazing posts. 

Ah, I feel like a new woman after that brain dump! 

Thanks and look for this again next week!

ASAP Tuesday: The Snooze Button

Okay, So I do love my TED Tuesdays, but every once in a while I want to share something that's a little bit more fun and for everyone to enjoy - not just if you want to work on rejection therapy or if you need to know how you can boost your self confidence. 

Even though I'm moving away from a TED Talk today, I'm still going to throw some education on your faces because I'm nice and we come here to learn don't we? Get ready, here it comes. 

So today we are going to learn about AsapSCIENCE. You can get lost on this YouTube Channel for hours and the beauty of it is that they take anybody's questions, break down the answers into layman's terms, and feed it to us beautifully and entertainingly. 

Since I've been the worst at this lately, we are going to talk about the question of 'should I use the sleep button?'

I try hard to set all the alarms to work out in the morning, but what usually happens is I fight with the alarms every 9 minutes until I am forced to go to get up, take a quick shower and go to work with dirty hair for the 3rd day in a row.

When we look at the science of what's going on in your sleep schedule, hitting that snooze and going back to sleep can actually re-start your sleep patterns and cause you to wake up even more tired than if you would have not had the jolted awakening. Your body should be naturally waking up and has a few processes to go through in order to give you the energy you need to take on your day, and unfortunately we can be harming ourselves by not just setting the alarm for what time we actually need to get up.

We are also harming ourselves by falling asleep to the glow of our laptops and phones in our faces right before shut-eye, but that's a different topic for a different day, isn't it!

Enjoy the next two and a half minutes, I promise you'll learn something. 

As for me, I'm going to sleep in just a little later and maybe get on a better schedule (starting tonight!)

Things I Didn't Do This Weekend

With last week feeling so long I thought that it would carry over into the weekend, but sadly and unfortunately this was not the case. It probably could have been the case except for the part where I stayed in bed for-ever both mornings and I'm not sorry about it.

I've been a little sleep deprived the last 6 months lately and I'm trying to get in a better routine of rest and relaxation, less media at bedtime, working on blogs ahead of time and not just last minute, etc.

I'm clearly failing hard because I made myself a mug of tea last night at 10pm just sitting down to write this here weekend update.

Here I am feeling like I accomplished nothing this weekend (again) and rather than trying to boringly explain how I worked out on Saturday afternoon then drank 2.5 beers saturday night, I'm going to go the route of all the things I didn't do this weekend.

This gif also has nothing to do with anything, it's just adorable like you.

+ Did not clean out my closet like I've meant to do for about 2 years now in January. There's way too many things on the hangers that I swipe past quicker than a creepy guy on Tinder. I need to get my life in check and do some closet cleaning.

+ Did not meal prep. Thank goodness I made some chicken in the middle of last week and that mom did a mega-meat cook off and I was able to take some home with me. Score!

+ Did not watch any Sochi 2014. I felt pretty lackluster about the olympics this year but I did enjoy the humor in the closing ceremonies with the final ring slow open.

+ Did not do laundry or any house-work because I'm lazy and I literally have clothes thrown all around my room. This includes "clean" workout clothes that have been on my bed for about 6 days now.

+ Did watch this and want to learn the dances. I'm beyond impressed.

What all didn't you do this weekend? I'm dying to know!

Play me out, dancing bear!

My Week in Gifs + Olympics Links

Hi friends, it's Friday and I'm feeling short and sweet in your future.

I adore Alissa's "My Week in Gifs" posts on Fridays and today I want to play along. We've got 5 Gifs and then some brilliant Buzzfeed articles about the olympics - at least click the one about the mooses meese?.

Monday:

It was pouring in PDX and this is what it felt like trying to stay out of the puddles - even in rain boots.

Tuesday:

Posted this and felt really good about it. #ShamelessSelfie

Wednesday:

Made attempts to try trusting again just a little. Come to find this was a horrible decision.

Thursday:

Went here for dinner and drinks, was totally a fan.

Friday:

Is the week over yet? I can't wait to hermit in my pajamas tonight.

Then woo-hoo! Olympics articles, enjoy the weekend! 

:: What you're really thinking about when you're watching figure skating

:: Winter Olympics + the moose, right?
:: Really. Depressed. People.
:: Tara and Johnny are fabulous
:: Where are these outfits like I remember them?
:: No! More failure and four years wasted!

Three Important Rules

Lately I've been hawking Pinterest for some good Words. 

On the hunt for the words that make me feel something. Words that make me stand up for something. Phrases or ideas that make me pause and think "Hey, that's the kind of person I want to be. A mantra that I can get behind." 

From "more sleep, more exercise, more love" to "enjoy the little things", there's also some good meaty depth like this gem that I uncovered last week. Incredibly relevant right now in my life and quite worthy of a share today. 

1. Do not promise when you're happy.

Big big big mistake. Promises are huge. If we can't keep a promise, what can we keep? We all know that it's easy to promise the world when you're clouded with endorphins and rose colored glasses. When everything looks up, you look up as well. This is "clouded" judgment and it's really unfortunate to think of all the times I've happily promised something and let people down - even more difficult to think of the times that it's happened to me. Be genuine with your promises, they will follow you. 

2. When you are angry, do not respond.

Duh and duh. My application of this rule has gotten much better with age and with newly acquired patience. I can be pretty temperamental if I'm tested or questioned, so when I feel backed into a corner emotions can escalate quickly. When you find yourself upset, angry or emotional in work or personal life - take a step back to assess the situation, do not make any sudden moves and certainly don't say anything that you can't take back later. 

You can take the word "respond" in this rule to actually be "react", because we all know actions can sometimes speak louder than words. 

3. Do not decide when you're sad. 

This one is pretty hard and something I've always had a bit of a struggle with. When emotions are deciding for you, you'll often rob yourself of the opportunity to make a rational choice in full clarity of your mind. Sad feelings have left me in relationships too long, stopped me from getting out of situations and potentially changed the course of my life. Deciding when you're sad is like emotional suicide - where your heart is telling your head what to do even though your head is the one that knows you best (at least that's what it tells you because it has the college degrees, right?). 

Good luck with your new knowledge! 

Songs About the Rain

Sunday night I could hardly fall asleep as wind crashed against the side of my house, the rain pounded on the rooftop and I laid there excited to wear my Hunter's Monday expecting a tree to crash through my roof at any moment. I laid there and tried listening to music, turning that off and instead listening to the rain - then found myself unable to quiet my mind.

@JumpingJE

The funny thing about the rain is that it forces you to stop collaborate and listen. What is normally silence, or space occupied by music in the evening - was instead filled with the rhythmic ebbs and flows of light and heavy rains hitting the pavement and my siding.

Rain brings clarity doesn't it? So much more than a clear day, so much more than sun shining and birds chirping. Rain causes me to look inside myself and think a little deeper, finding the light when outside is dark. Back when I was a die-hard runner, my very favorite was the first rain run of the fall. The clarity that I found in the raindrops hitting my face and washing over my skin was free therapy. 

This week I found myself listening to Fleetwood Mac's song "Dreams" and the lyrics of the song + the Portland weather lately inspired me to put together some songs about the rain.

Stevie Nicks knows two things:

1. Players only love you when they're playing.

2. When the rain washes you clean, you'll know. 

I think we all need to let the rain wash us clean, don't we?

Enjoy some songs about the rain, and if nothing else just listen to "dreams" for the same experience I had. 

<3 Jessi

TED Tuesday: Rejection Therapy

Rejection sucks, doesn't it?

To not be wanted, to not be needed. To not be 'the right person for the job'. 

The fears of rejection and failure have often stopped me from doing many things in my life. Leaps and risks haven't been taken because I know how bad a "no" can feel. Something so small can crush your dreams and sometimes your spirit in the process. 

The fear of rejection is the most debilitating fear that I've ever experienced. Sometimes I'm afraid of no. Sometimes I'm afraid of yes. Afraid of a "no" because that immediate rejection is a shot to my ego and my self worth. It's a reflection on others' perception of me and what I'm worth. I'm equally afraid of a "yes" because what if the perception of me is great, but then I'm unable to deliver. I'm not the right person for the job, I fail miserably and disappoint whoever gave me that chance in the first place. 

I also fear rejection because even though I've felt it over and over - I'm still not used to it. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing - but it seems like life would be better if you were desensitized to the feeling. That would mean that rejection wouldn't hurt as bad and would allow you to carry forward much quicker than your usual earth-shaking catastrophe experiences. 

So hey - what would happen if you purposefully sought out rejection? If you asked people for things that you knew they would turn you down for - causing those "no's" to cut you less and less each time you heard one. That would make you less scared right? Sure the "no's" wouldn't be to things that significantly mattered in your world, but you'd at least become accustomed to asking for things and learning people's thresholds right?

Well I have a treat for you! 

Today's TED Talk goes over Jia Jiang's experiences as he subjected himself to 100 Days of Rejection Therapy to get over his fear. Watch the way that he surprised himself and his blog readers in the outrageous things he attempted (and really just how many he was not rejected for). 

Enjoy!

The Night Bingo Happened

Please be ready to be jealous of my Saturday night, you will be.

Let's begin with Saturday morning. Brooke and I had lady plans to eat our combined weight in breakfast with these massive biscuits from Tilt. I knew that she had devious intentions for the weekend the second that I got a text that said, "How paleo are you feeling this weekend?". I took one look at the menu and without hesitation was all over the idea of a sausage, bacon, egg and cheese biscuit. The insides are paleo right?? Just look at this sexy corner.

Through gossip and serious talk, she mentioned that evening plans included brews and bingo. I asked myself why all Saturday evening plans didn't include brews and bingo?! Oh yeah, because I'm not 80 years old yet. But I wasn't going to turn down a chance to win some dollars!

Of course I got dressed in skinny jeans and boots to meet up at the bingo hall with Ruth and Deloris. We sincerely underestimated the legitimate desperation of the patrons at Sunset Bingo who were there to win anything from $25 to self respect $12,000.








We also underestimated the amount of concentration that playing bingo in this environment takes, especially when you don't have the latest and greatest kitten-marker-keeper as displayed above. Each game you are responsible for 12 different bingo boards and the speed of the number call-outs varies as each game-master rotates to the podium.

How were these old ladies doing it? Here my only-had-one-beer 26 year old brain was a major struggle bus and there were people over 3x my age filling out there pages with O-69 quicker than I could even find it on my first page. The answer to this and many other questions came at 8:56pm when the sweet old woman to my left, let's call her Ethel, was asked if she needed more coffee. With wild excitement in her eyes, she nodded her head and held out her cup. Regular or decaf?  REGULAR!!! (of course).

To my sincere disappointment, there were no winners from our crew. The only thing we walked out of there with was Dabbin' Fever "The Winners Ink". Also - why do people need multiple markers? This is something I'll never fully comprehend.

Mr. Rogers shares my rage disappointment each time someone else shouted "Bingo!!!"

How was your weekend? Have you ever played bingo and won? Is that possible under the age of 65?

Single's Awareness Day

Here we are, Valentine's day.

I'm bringing you a special olympics / valentine's edition for all the single ladies out there who are going to be having girl's night, wine and netflix night, or I'm-on-the-lookout-for-my-next-heartbreak night.

Buuuut, before we get too serious let's please direct our attention to this amazing clip from 1985 (obviously not an olympics event but still incredible). Is this still a thing? And if no, why not?

So back to the fact that I'm single. Bullshit right? 

Super extra wrong, not bullshit - awesome. Single and ready to mingle get my shit together. 

Awesome because I can share with you all the unconventional things that you're maybe not going to see on other blogs today. All of the links you're about to click (please at least click the single ladies one) are geared toward how excellent it is to be a single, independent, happy woman. 

* Here are some Valentine's Singles can give themselves
* I can see why you're still single if you're looking for love at the laundromat
* Because you're not getting wined and dined, you don't have to worry about the love chub
* #3, #5 and most importantly #21 here when you spend the evening with your ladies
* JUST LOOK AT ALL OF THESE SINGLE LADIES - whaaaaat that's amazing
* And hey, a quiz - How Single Are You?

Go enjoy your bottle of wine date tonight!

Music to my Heart

Happy Thursday, friends and loves. 

So I know tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I'm single, but that doesn't mean I can't join in on some of the fun. I've only had a few valentine's with a "somebody" and can say that the ones I've spent single have been a million times better. Yes, dates and cards and flowers are wonderful and thoughtful - but what's even better is the alleviation of the gifting pressure. 

I am a romantic at heart and believe that the way you treat your sweetheart should be the same all days of the year, not just this one. But I also believe that the day shouldn't go forgotten for your family, friends and lovers. 

Edit: Is it still a thing where you have to give every single person a valentine in elementary school? I remember how awkward it was to make sure that the most platonic, high-five and not kisses cards went to the grossest boys in class. And you'd tape on the bad candy. And you'd maybe purposefully mess up the spelling of their name. Nobody else? Anyone? 

Back to the topic that I haven't gotten to yet.

Ever since my first suitor in 5th grade gave me the Titanic Soundtrack as an "I like you a lot" gift, I have found a lot of meaning in speaking this language of love to others through songs. Curating playlists, whether they are motivational, sentimental, passive-aggressive - I always feel like my emotions are better said in a collection of songs. 

The five I'm going to share with you are love to the core, love forever, be mine always songs. You've been warned! 

Baby I Want You : Amos Lee

Wanted : Hunter Hayes

All of Me : John Legend

You're the One That I Want : Angus & Julia Stone

At Last : Etta James

Now go out there and share the love <3

Girls Weekend in Seattle

Okay, the recap you probably haven't been waiting for!

This weekend I escaped snowlandia and made it up for some girl time with my lady Amanda. Amanda and I met when I moved to a new high school my sophomore year and we became instant friends. Both talented, intelligent, intrinsically motivated young women looking to make a difference. We teamed up with two other bright women and formed a group that we named "TMNT" (Yes, that's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles). 

These girls gave me my first taste of blogging when we used to use Livejournal private posts to communicate and gossip about all the dirty details of adolescence. Too bad I don't remember my password to retrieve the 55 private entries AND great thing that those posts never existed on the public internet. I was a sassy teenager without much of a filter.

But back to girl's weekend. If anyone is a great host it's my girl. She picked me up at the bus station, had a bottle of wine ready and waiting the second we stepped into her door and she even let me sleep in her bed with her rather than making me stay on her couch. We wined, chatted, wined, Sex and the City Marathon, explored, shopped, wined, whiskeyed and did our best to stay warm while Seattle got it's own snow flurries. 

Enjoy some photos from the weekend! 

:: Rooftop view of the Space Needle as Seattle started to get it's own snowfall.

:: Amanda and I showing off our macaroon to our smart doctor friend, Grace.

:: Pleather, Scarf and Bose headphone selfie on the Bolt Bus.

:: <3 coffee and sunglasses - both were necessary.

:: Buffalo Trace on the rocks with a splash of ginger

:: Darts with girls & boys

:: Nailed this nice stranger in the eyeball 30 feet away in a bar snowball fight

:: All the selfie's (get off my nose, awkward hair)

I can't wait to visit her again in the spring. Thanks again for a great time! 

TED Tuesday: How to Spot a Liar

Hello! For those who are new around here I do something called TED Tuesdays. This is a series where I find a TED video that sparks my interest and then I share with you because I love you. The videos range anywhere from 3-20 minutes and I won't share it if I don't love it. Capiche?

Today we are going to talk about lies.

We all tell lies and we all are fed lies - anywhere from 10-200 times each average day. I'm not saying this to alarm you and I honestly (ha-ha) don't have that much human interaction each day to be in the triple digits.

I admit to lying little bitsy lies all the time here on the blog. Examples of this are like how there may have been one other person on my snowy bus ride to get downtown, or how the photo above was maybe 5 minutes into my workout when I stopped to do a photo shoot - not nearly the end or worthy of the title "sweaty selfie".  I have been working on telling less "little" lies because if you're not careful you can easily become desensitized to telling them. Just last week, Helene wrote about some of her favorite white lies and the blogging world couldn't agree more.

The topic of today is around the question of whether you're able to tell when you're being lied to. Can you recognize speech patterns, body language cues, attitude, aversion to face-to-face communication?   Do you notice embellishment of an otherwise simple story, or maybe the absence of a critical detail?

Much like I'd guess your parents can, mine always know when I'm lying. My classic go-to moves are adding too much detail to my "stories" in awkward or irrelevant places. Or, sometimes I get a little too formal with the way I say things.

For example:

Lie: "Yes, I did get my oil changed last week when it was raining - the one on 39th and I had a coupon."

Truth: "Hey look who's getting their oil changed! (Insert cheesy waiting room selfie w/ bad coffee)"

Since a liar needs a believer to be successful, I'm interested in understanding this lie-spotting practice. But much more than lie-spotting I want to take a clean shot at truth seeking. And hopefully I'll learn a little something about trust building along the way!

Take it away, Pamela!

The Magic Bus

So I'm 26 years old and have lived in Portland my whole life. I've traveled to major cities alone and to foreign countries alone. I've figured out taxi's, buses, trains, shuttles, streetcars and bike paths - but for some damn reason it was THE most perplexing thing for me to figure out how to get to Seattle without a car in a snow storm for a girl's weekend. 

For one thing, I think public transportation is amazing and I'm proud to live in a city that has so many options. But, also being the proud owner of a reliable (knock on wood) car, I don't depend on it often nor do I care to learn the system. Does that make me a snob? Moving on. 

The original plan was to be budget savvy and take this amazing Bolt Bus up and have dear mother drop me off at the bus-stop. Easy right? Well then she got snowed in, I had to move up my trip to an earlier time by three hours, I hadn't packed and I was working with glorious 3rd day hair. 

I was tragically close to canceling the weekend plans because I didn't have a means to get downtown without a car and wasn't going to take a taxi for 7 miles that would cost more than the entire 175 miles to Seattle. (sorry Amanda, I love you but like I said I'm on a budget). 

I'm not above taking the bus, obviously. But the transit system confuses the heck out of me. What if I have to change buses? What if my bus is late to the connecting stop? What if there's creeps on the bus or people who smell bad? I don't have any cash and they only take exact change!?

So many things that can cause panic in my mind and mom, bless her heart, stepped in and walked me through how I could still make the no-fuc*s-given weekend possible. 

First I'd need $2.50 exactly. I don't carry cash so I had to go to the ATM, treated myself to a latte and got the right amount of green & silver. 

Second, the bus was empty and I sat in pure anxiety mode as the driver took a wrong turn and got us stuck in a residential neighborhood, delaying us 15 minutes. I lost all faith and texted my mom the route he was taking me so that she could confirm it was right and/or so that she'd know where to find my body.

Third, I realized that for just $2.50 this bus thing is pretty awesome. To my Trader Joe's, to my favorite sushi restaurant, to downtown when parking isn't free? Um, duh!

Finally, Friday was the first day I've appropriately worn my Hunter's for the weather. It was so worth it. 

I made it to the Bolt on time and she was the most magic bus of all time.

Something Good

Literally everyone in Portland lost their shit yesterday over the fact that it started snowing, even though they've been saying it for a week. When you can't walk outside without your teeth chattering you know it's cold. And when we've had an uncharacteristically dry winter you have to expect some stormy goodness brewing up. 

I kept all my snap friends well informed of the flurries that were accumulating and the fact that I got out of work before everyone because I live across town. I'm pretty certain that I won the day because it took me 50 minutes to get home going 15 miles across town, and other people who got on the road not more than 20 minutes after me were stuck in gridlocked traffic, cold and hungry. They were also probably pissed because their phone batteries were dying from all the baby's-first, puppy's-first, boyfriend's-first snow day videos they saw while scrolling their facebook feeds in traffic.

I didn't go out in the winter wonderland in my Hunter boots or my warm gloves though, because even the walk from my car to the coffee shop wasn't worth it for the reward. Instead I finished up my work day and mostly procrastinated by making new spotify playlists, drinking ALL the water and indulging in this amazingness.

Those things you see are peppermint pretzel thins and they are to die for. I snagged up four bags back in mid-December when you had to have the friendly Trader Joe's lady call around to other Portland stores to see who had them in stock and "if they thought they'd still be there in an hour". So, these precious four bags were now down to two, and what better occasion to indulge than a snow day with some tea! Thanks for the mug, Brooke!

I'm preeeetty sure that today's another work from home day and I'm massively thrilled about that. Staying in pajamas and listening to music at full blast is a thing that I can't get enough of. I also can't get enough of soup and want to try this paleo recipe that I pinned a year ago (literally).

My biggest wish for the weekend is that the snow lets up in the evening and I can catch the bus up to Seattle to visit my girl Amanda for a zero-f*cks-given weekend of wine and girl talks.

Happy weekend! See you Monday!

"Something good tonight made me forget about you for now"

Graceful...?

It's a little ironic that I had plans to talk to day about my new dance class and how graceful it's making me feel. 

Ironic because last night I had a near-fall-on-my face treadmill experience (in the privacy of my own home thank everything I can give thanks to) and I live to tell the tale. It's not the first time the near-fall has happened and it's always when I'm screwing around on my phone. This time I was replying to an email and trying to simultaneously speed/dance/jazzercise walk to this jamsky:

I could watch this gif over and over. A fail of epic proportions - sandals in the air and all! 

Okay, enough self-ridicule. I really do feel more graceful after just two dance classes. It helped that the routine was exactly the same as last time, so my body anticipated moves so much better and I was able to put some of my own sass and spin on some of the moves. I'm known to take things to another level, but for now I'm in the back of the class and just trying to get a great workout.

apparently there's another class today that we are going to make and I'm nervous because it's actual Zumba and not "Group Groove" as I've been going to. I need a little more salsa in my step. Or I really hope its like this. Fergie eat your heart out.

The best things about going to dance class are:

:: Taking the time out of the routine day to get my sweat in
:: Taking a class with co-workers, team bonding 101
:: Coming back to the desk and demonstrating my best booty pop to the people who didn't go.
:: Practicing the moves you've learned in the comfort of your own home.
:: Walking a little taller, shoulders broad and chin up
:: Playful sense about yourself, especially when it comes to music

And I'm going to keep talking about it till I'm blue in the face - it feels great to switch my fitness from running only to weight lifting and graceful dancing (and twerking).

It's almost the weekend! What are you up to?

Songs to Un-Funk you

I'm happy to announce that I'm two days tear-free.

Okay, I'm trying to tell less white lies. I did let one little stream fall down my cheek, but then decided that I didn't want to ruin my mascara and I was silly to be crying anyway, it was only because I'm out of Reese's cups!

So (so so so) many times in my life, music has pulled me out of the deepest and darkest of forests. The "Get-Over-Stuff" playlist used to be filled with Linkin Park, Foo Fighters, Saliva - some pretty angry things that made me feel like I was getting retribution for the way I was feeling because someone, somewhere had gone through the same thing as I had. Even though because it was happening to me, it was the hardest thing in the history of the world.

Then there's the "i'm-so-sad-and-need-a-big-hug" moments where you get weak and hit up the Fine Frenzy and Ron Pope and Passenger genre's and all you can do is hug your favorite stuffed animal while you wet the entire pillowcase you're bawling yourself to sleep over.

Then there's when you need to pull your head out of your ass and you need a "YES!-this-world-is-amazing-and-all-these-songs-make-me-want-to-dance" playlist. This feeling usually hits me when I'm ready to shut a door, hold my head up high and just do me. What I'm about to share are ten go-to songs that WON'T make you feel all the feels and will just make you want to flashdance.

Speaking of dancing, had a much better class yesterday and I'll probably talk about it more later this week
if nothing crazy comes up. Enjoy un-funking!

Venga Boys :: We Like to Party

Styx :: Renegade



Foreigner :: Juke Box Hero

Darryl Worley :: Tennessee River Run



Devo :: Whip It

Rick Astley :: Never Gonna Give You Up

Bell Biv De Voe :: Poison

Michael Sembello :: Maniac

SNAP! :: Rhythm is a Dancer



Daft Punk/Pharell :: Get Lucky

Happy Hump Day! 

Thoughts on Christmas Lights?

Want to know why I feel like I have my life together?

Last night when I drove home from work I saw a neighbor with their Christmas lights on outside of the house. I'm cool with leaving them for 1 or 2 weeks after Christmas, you know like when you've already given up on your New Year's Resolutions? But not the first week into February! I suppose it did snow here for maybe 5 minutes yesterday but find something a little more seasonally appropriate than Rudolph grazing in the front yard.

Now I'm all about the whimsical idea of lights on the inside year-round, especially to set the mood for blogging and sleeping. See, look. February 4th and I'm still sleeping under all of the pretty red lights!

I'm embarrassed to share how many photos I took to get that one. Weird hands, weird hair, weird all the things. 

Speaking of a great segue lights and awkward photos, on Friday I had to go under some other lights in a chair at the dentist's office and for my very first (and please oh please my wallet begs my last) root canal. Now what's worse than a root canal? I'd argue a lot of things, actually. Tripping in public, 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife, being too full for dessert on a dinner date when somebody else is paying.

You're lucky you get to see this photo and I don't even know why I'm sharing this to exist on the internet forever. This is better for a snapchat but I wasn't that clever. What's wrong with it? Look at my collar! I didn't have time to steam my shirt and I wasn't planning on being out in public much for the afternoon.

No but seriously, my face. Who hit it with a skillet? 

That's the smile of a girl who was $650 poorer after her appointment and just a few hours away from the numbness wearing off. Worst part about it? I had to miss the Friday session of my new favorite workout class and I can't wait to get back at it today! 

That's all I've got. I skipped TED Tuesday because my brain doesn't want to get too serious. Thank you for all of the love and support yesterday - I really love the person I'm becoming. 

Prepare yourself for some'a this and some'a that! (hair and wardrobe not included)

Hakuna Matata

Hakuna Matata. What a wonderful phrase. 

Don't let that gif offend you, Timon doesn't mean any harm and neither do I.

I invite you to participate in some real-talk for the next four minutes if you care to join me.

February 1st will always be the anniversary of the day I entered adulthood. I'm 26 years old and I have a lot of life, living and learning to do - but February 1, 2014 marks a beginning of gaining perspective, empathy, self-respect, courage, love, honesty, resilience and a hell of a lot of grit.

The past year of my life has been upside-down for so many reasons. My career, my relationships, my friendships, my thoughts, my actions, my dreams and my perception. I look back and the person I see isn't the person I am. The person I see is wounded, faced adversity, hurt others, overlooked reality and lost the value of believing I am more than just good enough. I do not see myself as a victim, but do admit to my inexperience in matters of the heart.

I've set no deadline for the healing that I need to go through as I can't foresee the work and time it will take to build my confidence, strength and trust back up. I'm inexpressibly thankful for the wonderful people around me who can help me rebuild. I want to take time to mend my heart and do my best to mend the hearts of others.

Everything that became so clear to me this weekend brought out so many emotions that I didn't know how to manage them in my fragile and open heart. Through love and friendship and the healing power of golden retriever puppies I've come out on the other side thankful for all of the positive energy in my world.

Because, hell.

I deserve to have dreams. 

I deserve to write my own story. 

I deserve to build my own foundation. 

I deserve to have a voice. 

I deserve love without reservation.

I deserve honesty.
I deserve to choose who shares my world.
I deserve to have a beautiful life.

I have a beautiful life. 

This weekend I spent a few days with my amazing parents who love me unconditionally. I made it to a place in the relationship with my parents that we've never been to before. I removed literally half of my Facebook friends (for various reasons or no reason at all). I went through the pain-in-the-ass exercise of blocking people on Instagram that don't need to know about me. I deleted about 1,000 photos from my iPhone camera roll to remove what doesn't need to live there anymore and also all the sriracha photos for those who know about my fiery addiction. I removed apps that I no longer use and did my best to erase memories that will hold me back from being the confident, strong, self-respecting woman I know I am.

I cleaned my closet and it felt amazing.

This post was written for me. It's one that I will read over and over to remind myself of the way I feel and the person I want to be, but I hope that it's for you too. You deserve everything you've ever dreamed of.

Life is wonderful. Hakuna Matata.