When You Get Sucked In

This was my struggle last night.

...home before 5pm even after my kettlebell workout...what should I have for dinner...how do I avoid watching the bachelor...should I do a double-up and go to a sleepy-time yoga class...what should I blog about...what can i wear tomorrow...is seinfeld on...what photos are in my camera roll that I haven't posted yet...what's happening on twitter...on instagram...on facebook...ugh facebook...wait i still didn't have dinner...hey but these tweets make the bachelor sound really entertaining... can't do it.. won't do it... okay, really how do I avoid reading all of these hilarious bachelor tweets...

One guess how my night ended up. 

You're right - a quick salad for dinner and the bachelor - foiled again!

What's a blogger who's trying to get back into things do when she's too scatter brained to write anything worthwhile? She recycles a post of course!

I love love love this post that was published February 18th of last year - it's a solid TED Talk about rejection and how you can get better at it if you consciously try to get rejected. No edits to the original post.....enjoy!

Rejection sucks, doesn't it?

To not be wanted, to not be needed. To not be 'the right person for the job'. 

The fears of rejection and failure have often stopped me from doing many things in my life. Leaps and risks haven't been taken because I know how bad a "no" can feel. Something so small can crush your dreams and sometimes your spirit in the process. 

The fear of rejection is the most debilitating fear that I've ever experienced. Sometimes I'm afraid of no. Sometimes I'm afraid of yes. Afraid of a "no" because that immediate rejection is a shot to my ego and my self worth. It's a reflection on others' perception of me and what I'm worth. I'm equally afraid of a "yes" because what if the perception of me is great, but then I'm unable to deliver. I'm not the right person for the job, I fail miserably and disappoint whoever gave me that chance in the first place. 

I also fear rejection because even though I've felt it over and over - I'm still not used to it. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing - but it seems like life would be better if you were desensitized to the feeling. That would mean that rejection wouldn't hurt as bad and would allow you to carry forward much quicker than your usual earth-shaking catastrophe experiences. 

So hey - what would happen if you purposefully sought out rejection? If you asked people for things that you knew they would turn you down for - causing those "no's" to cut you less and less each time you heard one. That would make you less scared right? Sure the "no's" wouldn't be to things that significantly mattered in your world, but you'd at least become accustomed to asking for things and learning people's thresholds right?

Well I have a treat for you! 

Today's TED Talk goes over Jia Jiang's experiences as he subjected himself to 100 Days of Rejection Therapy to get over his fear. Watch the way that he surprised himself and his blog readers in the outrageous things he attempted (and really just how many he was not rejected for).

TED Tuesday: How to Spot a Liar

Hello! For those who are new around here I do something called TED Tuesdays. This is a series where I find a TED video that sparks my interest and then I share with you because I love you. The videos range anywhere from 3-20 minutes and I won't share it if I don't love it. Capiche?

Today we are going to talk about lies.

We all tell lies and we all are fed lies - anywhere from 10-200 times each average day. I'm not saying this to alarm you and I honestly (ha-ha) don't have that much human interaction each day to be in the triple digits.

I admit to lying little bitsy lies all the time here on the blog. Examples of this are like how there may have been one other person on my snowy bus ride to get downtown, or how the photo above was maybe 5 minutes into my workout when I stopped to do a photo shoot - not nearly the end or worthy of the title "sweaty selfie".  I have been working on telling less "little" lies because if you're not careful you can easily become desensitized to telling them. Just last week, Helene wrote about some of her favorite white lies and the blogging world couldn't agree more.

The topic of today is around the question of whether you're able to tell when you're being lied to. Can you recognize speech patterns, body language cues, attitude, aversion to face-to-face communication?   Do you notice embellishment of an otherwise simple story, or maybe the absence of a critical detail?

Much like I'd guess your parents can, mine always know when I'm lying. My classic go-to moves are adding too much detail to my "stories" in awkward or irrelevant places. Or, sometimes I get a little too formal with the way I say things.

For example:

Lie: "Yes, I did get my oil changed last week when it was raining - the one on 39th and I had a coupon."

Truth: "Hey look who's getting their oil changed! (Insert cheesy waiting room selfie w/ bad coffee)"

Since a liar needs a believer to be successful, I'm interested in understanding this lie-spotting practice. But much more than lie-spotting I want to take a clean shot at truth seeking. And hopefully I'll learn a little something about trust building along the way!

Take it away, Pamela!

TED Tuesday: Time Saving Tech Tips

Say that title five times fast with me and then continue reading.

Today is a quick video and a quick blog - so stick with me! 

There's some times in life when you shouldn't take shortcuts, where you need to take your time, let the course of the universe show you the way and not try to rush past the important things. You shouln't cut corners on things like baking a cake, finding the perfect GIF for a blog post or making a savory paleo meatloaf .

.....But! There's other times where you want to save all the time in the world. Like when you're in front of your laptop, iPad and iPhone (or other tech devices), trying to speed up your work day, maximizing productivity, etc.

Today's TED talk shows you 10 time saving tips (some you may already know) that help you navigate your devices a little easier.  

Enjoy!

TED Tuesday: Coming Out Of Your Closet

If you are human, you can relate to this inspiring TEDx Talk about coming out of your closet. I know what your preconceptions of this phrase are, but you should really consider coming out of a closet to mean having a hard conversation.

Hard conversations are terrifying. I know this first hand. 

We hate having them, they hurt people, they cause you pain and sometimes the consequences are irreparable. You're concerned about the reactions of loved ones and you're fearful for what they will see you as in the future. It's scary, it's unknown and nothing is a sure thing. 

But you know what? We need to have these conversations and we need to speak our truth. A closet is no place for a person to live and we all need to break through our walls and be unapologetic about our truth. 

At some point in your life you will feel safe in your closet, but please realize that what's on the other side of that wall is where you need to be. As Ash Beckham explains in the video below, a closet is no place for a person to live. As long as you remain in your closet, you are holding a grenade in the palm of your hands. 

So let's do it. Here's three steps and a video on how you can open that closet door.

1: Be Authentic

Take the armor off. Show the other people you're sharing your closet with that you bleed too.

2: Be Direct

Rip that band-aid off. Sometimes the hurt you get from a hard conversation is so hard to stand that you go back on your decision or have regrets. Really like I said yesterday, go with your gut and know that there are better times beyond the closet door. This I promise you.

3: Be Unapologetic

You are speaking your truth. Never apologize for that. Apologize for what you've done but not for who you are.

 

TED Tuesday: The First 20 Hours

Do you remember last week when I shared my discovery of an easy button?

Well if you didn't, I spent an entire weekend studying, familiarizing myself and testing my ability to work with Macro's in Excel 2010. Macro's are like a little shortcut for repetitive tasks, that if done right can seriously cut out a lot of manual efforts that get old if you do them every single day.

While I say it was an "easy" button, the work put into making the day to day easy was anything but. Walking into something I felt like I knew nothing about (and am still a beginner) was really intimidating, especially since I'd committed to my work teammates that I was going to succeed. While I didn't learn everything on my own, I definitely had to work through some tough mental moments where my low knowledge of the skill was a huge barrier to my learning.

I like to be good at things, and sometimes if I feel the frustration creeping in because I'm bad at something, it's so easy to give up on the idea you had in the first place.

Today's TED Talk is talking about this very same thing - the first 20 hours you spend on something new are important and critical to how well you will pick up that new skill, as well as the acquired confidence of the huge jump from "beginner" to 20 hours of experience.

Before the video, let me summarize the four easy to follow steps that will aid you in rapid skill acquisition of your newest adventure:

Deconstruct the skill

Decide exactly what you want to be able to do when you're done, and break it down step by step to be able to get there. It's easier to learn smaller bits of information at a time, so allow yourself to learn the important techniques that will help you get to a further level of skill faster.

Learn enough to self-correct

Use your resources - Books, DVD's and the internet are all great sources of information. Just be sure to not grab ALL of the books in the library or tell yourself you won't start practicing until you've read  30 articles online. Once you've learned enough, get your hands dirty and be able to identify when you're doing it right or doing it wrong. Awareness is huge here.

Remove barriers to practice

You know what I mean on this one but let me be clear. If you really want to learn it, turn off the TV - stop texting and scrolling instagram. Be mindful of the time you've allocated to practice and learn. You can spend 20 hours doing it half-assed, but then you've really only spent 10 and you're short changing yourself.

Practice for at least 20 hours

There's this thing called the frustration barrier. You're a beginner, you try something, you're still bad after only three hours of practice and you're ready to give up.

For me with macros, feeling inadequate was a barrier. Once I breached that golden threshold where I could self-correct and was understanding what would or wouldn't work, my understanding improved and my confidence increased. Pre-committing to 20 Hours helps you overcome the desire to give up early and will help you prove that you're capable of more than you think.

Watch today's video to break down this concept even further. Plus if you stick around you'll get to see Josh entertainingly put his theory into practice.

TED Tuesday: The Skill of Self Confidence

The TED Talk that I want to share with you today is about one of my very own most powerful skills and weapons in my arsenal - Self-Confidence.

As a young woman in the business world, the (humble) confidence that I have in myself is often received with surprise. Like the thought that a female my age believes in herself is an anomaly. Right after the initial surprise come the questions people have:

How do you do talk to people so confidently?

How do you not crumble under the pressure in those big meetings?
Where did you learn so much about thing 1, thing 2 and thing 3 that you don't have any experience in?

Where did you learn what you know about Excel, and how did you become so proficient? 

My answer to those and many other questions I get is often one of the following:

1. I practice
2. I'm passionate

3. I believe in myself

I chose this TED Talk because here we are again at the first week of the month and my job is busy. In these three days I am responsible for communicating a confident, well thought and deeply analyzed story to our business partners about what the conditions of the upcoming month will look like as it relates to our shipping targets and performance. It can be a fairly intimidating task, so what do I do to get myself game-ready?

TONS of self-talk and daily affirmation. I am a firm believer that our thoughts influence our actions and that nobody will ever believe in you unless you believe in yourself. Daily self-affirmations can be done any way you'd like to do them, but here's a great example of a great one that you could follow to start your day with a smile:

Can you imagine walking through life as self-confident and proud as Jessica is? What liberation it would be to appreciate who you are, who your family is, all of your possessions, even love your haircut!!! 

There are enough people in this world who are going to doubt you and believe that you're not ready, so do yourself a favor by looking yourself in the mirror and being your own biggest supporter, motivator and cheerleader. 

Feel like you've got this covered? How about you try then to boost someone else's confidence?

You can do this by believing in them, praise them for the things that they are doing right and one of my favorites that Dr. Ivan Joseph says in this TED Talk, "catch them when they're good."

Happy Tuesday!

TED Tuesday: How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over

Okay. Seriously - I know that you all can't always watch the entire TED video but I really want you to watch this one.

Last night I found it and started it - I was passively listening, scrolling instagram and starting to take down notes for you. A few minutes in, I couldn't ignore the passion and conviction in the voice of Mel Robbins and needed to start the video back at the beginning to give it the attention it deserved. It's worth your time.

Mel is a radio host, reality show host, relationship expert and a woman who boasts having the ability to help you get anything and anywhere you want. Would you believe that she can help you ?

Let's begin there ... What do you want?

Want a hot body, or double your income, retire 5 years earlier, take a year off and travel, settle down and start a family?

What is it that you're after? What's standing in your way?

We live in an age where everyone has access to  any information that they want to acquire - via books, blogs, videos - you have everything you need, so why don't you have what you want?

I think Mel has a point when she says that first thing you'll have to do before getting after your dreams is to drop this 4 letter F-Bomb from your vocabulary because it's cheap, dirty and it's ruining your life. 

You read that right - "Fine". It's a disgusting word that you need to stop using immediately.

Of course "fine" is the perfect word because it alleviates you of having to do anything to change your situation. But that's not going to get you to your goals, dreams and ambitions.

When you use the word "fine", you're not only using it to mask your emotions to others, you're using it to hide your feelings from yourself too. And the saddest part is that you believe it.

It's simple to get what you want, but not easy!

You need to stop hitting your snooze button; metaphorically and literally (#DirtyhairDontCare).

As Mel suggests, try these three things:

• Force yourself out of your head - don't listen to that jerk in your head, you wouldn't be friends with someone who spoke to you that way.
• Force yourself past your feelings - If you listen to how you feel, you will never get what you want.
• Force yourself outside of your comfort zone - outside this bubble of yours is where you greet the challenge and the magic takes place. 

TEDx conferences are the best, thanks for watching!

TED Tuesday: Why We Love

Today we are going to let Helen Fisher talk to us about love.

I almost feel like this topic is on my blog a little too soon, but I'm happy to share it with you today.

You may have noticed the recent change in my life, blog headers and the absence of any mention of the man I used to call 'my wonderful boyfriend'. It's true, we are no longer together.

It's also true that my priorities were very wrong the past year with non-stop devotion to work, compulsive running and an enthusiastic  dive into the blogging world. It's true that we fell out of what I thought was love and it's true that I was often misleading to you here in this space with how happy we were together. It's true that I've hurt a wonderful man and true that hindsight really is 20/20.

Our separation in the short term has hurt through many of my actions and some of his words - but in the long term I hope that both of us can strive to find a romantic love, like the one that Helen speaks to in today's 23 minute video.

Let's take the focus away from me now and switch the lens to our video today - talking about the 'simplicity' of Romantic love.

Throughout this life you will find one person (and maybe many people) who captivate you, mesmerize you and turn your world upside down. All of your focus and all of your thoughts are fixated on this person. Not only is this person perfect in your eyes, but no matter their visible faults and undeniable baggage you are able to look beyond the bad and fixate on the qualities which you adore, admire and hope to have in a lifetime partnership. 

Helen reminds us that romantic love is an intense craving. Much more than a sexual attraction, you emotionally and willfully give your everything to another. You share secrets, you motivate, you support. Even more innocently you want this person to call you on the phone, to invite you out to dinner, tell you how much they care about you.

If you have found romantic love, you've unlocked a powerful human emotion that has been a part of our lives since the start of human existence.

If you haven't found it - don't be ashamed to want it in this meaningful and important lifetime of yours.

TED Tuesday: Mindful of the Moment

Ready for a good TED Talk?

First, do me a favor and think very hard of the last time you did simply n o t h i n g. No phone, no laptop, no worrying, no planning, no chores - nothing. 

Can you think of a time? It's pretty hard for me as well and even thinking about thinking nothing seems like it would be difficult.

My brain and probably yours too is always turned on. Unfortunately we have done ourselves a huge disservice by not allowing rest for our minds every once in a while. We have somehow convinced ourselves that no brain 'down-time' is okay and just a part of the world that we live in. That instead of mental health we should focus our attention on physical health, appearance and social lives. Mental health is just as critical as food, water, air, love and self worth.

The present moment is so valuable and yet so underrated. Sadly, what we miss out on when we are not mindful of the moment is life itself. We ignore the here and now and are distracted by the clouds and veils of stress, responsibility, emotions and simple anxiety. 

In the quiet moments that I've experienced over the past month I've learned how critical it is to let your mind sit in the back seat and to allow your senses to take over. Seeing, feeling, hearing, tasting, smelling - you can be so present when you abandon worries and fears - do yourself a favor and allow the human experience take over, if only for just 10 minutes a day. 

[ted id=1640]

TED Tuesday: Demise of Guys

All I have to say from watching this video is "You go girls!"

This video that clocks in under 6 minutes immediately caught my attention late last night because I knew 1.3 million viewers couldn't be wrong.

Psychologist Philip Zimbardo quickly shocks our systems with hard facts like "Boys are 30% more likely than girls to drop out of school", "Girls out-perform guys through all levels of school" and that "Boys are 5x more likely than girls to have attention deficit disorder."

His argument rests on the thought that boy's (also grown men's) brains are being digitally rewired by the rising use of the internet and the decreasing engagement in social settings - especially interactions with us pretty ladies of the world.

A reported steady increase of male shyness and social awkwardness is nothing to laugh at. This leads to less eligible men to choose from (all my single ladies), more painful situations, awkward conversations, bad dates and just less fun - amiright? 

Excessive internet use and gaming (ahem, Dan) are arousal addictions and therefore are much more harmful as the users are continuously looking for something new, something fresh and something that they've never experienced before.

All of a sudden I realize why Dan has to have 7 new video games this fall, a brand new console that X-Box has come out with and ultimately the reason why he took this week off from work (okay, yes, also to play with puppies - lucky guy). It's also the reason he "forgot" to come to bed last night (honey, c'mere!)

So who should care about the "Demise of guys"?

Probably you, probably me, maybe anyone who ever hopes to be a parent, an educator.

Especially all you ladies out there who want a real man to talk to, who can dance with you and even reads your blog for more than just your use of gifs.

Enjoy! 

[ted id=1206]

TED Tuesday: Born To Run

I really hope that what Christopher McDougall is saying in today's TED Talk is true - that we as human beings are designed to sweat and to run.

Not just run but to run long distances.

Why do I care?

This week I have to make good on my commitment to run 100 miles a month... only using up 12 days total.

If you're reading this when I am publishing on Tuesday morning, I have 57 miles left and 140 waking hours to do it in. Possible, right? Right!

Now obviously some of those hours I want to sleep, some of those hours I guess I have to work and some of the others I just plain want to relax, but mark my words - by Sunday when I get on a plane at midnight to return to Toronto I will be at 100 miles and no less.

Dedicating today's post to running is important to me as I had to drop out of my annual Hood to Coast fun that's this upcoming weekend as too much is happening at work and I wouldn't have had the chance to take Friday off. (Insert massive sigh here).

(Insert yet another massive sigh here)

I liked this talk as it inspired me to think of my running challenge this week as not an obstacle, but something that my body is designed to do.

Enjoy!

[ted id=1067]

TED Tuesday: To Win or To Succeed

If given the option to either win or succeed, which would you choose?

If you're anything like me, your first reaction is to say 'win'. I'm a competitor at heart and if you have a game to play, I'm going to do anything I can to come out on top.

Pause: Career Chat ahead!

Even with all of the good things it seems like are happening at work, I'm non-stop behind and feel like I'm failing at every turn. Staying up late, 14 hours in the office yesterday, giving my everything just hasn't been cutting it - but seriously, by what standards?

The feeling of 'failure' comes from the high expectations placed upon me and just not enough time, not enough support and sometimes not enough energy to do a great job like I'm used to doing.

Jumping over hurdles that high isn't always possible. Unless you're this guy:

John Wooden defines Success as "Peace of mind attained only through self-satisfaction and knowing you made the effort to do the best of which you're capable."

Yes.

What I'm missing from my current state of being is having that peace of mind and self-satisfaction for all of the work I'm doing. As many of my co-workers know, I often strut around the office because I'm so smitten with everything our team does day in and day out for the business. Lately it's been a different Jessi - one who shows defeat on her face, doesn't walk as tall as she should and isn't satisfied with her efforts as her standards for herself are too high along with the expectations of others.

I'm not trying to be better than anyone else, I'm trying to be better than I've ever been before.

Healthy approach, but I think where I can help myself is by appreciating my own work, patting myself on the back, and measuring myself against who I was the day prior, not what every external source expects me to be.

And with that take advice from everyone around me to be vocal about what help I need, where I need it, and how to better set everyone up for success. Sometimes you need people who are looking in to tell you to pause and reset - and I'm ready to listen.

I re-played 30 seconds from this video over and over again to get this entire quotation and I think it's perfect.

"You should never try to be better than someone else, always learn from others and never cease trying to be the best you can be. That's under your control.  And if you get too engrossed and involved and concerned in regard to the things over which you have no control, it will adversely affect the things over which you have control."

Just like I learned long ago through my time spend on the diamond - control the controllables and the rest will fall into place.

[ted id=498]

TED Tuesday: Secrets of Success

I promise you that the video below will be one of the quickest and pain-free TED Talks I'll ever put you through. If you're hungry for more, head to the archives.

Success - what does it mean to you?

When thinking about being successful, the formula seems almost impossible. First you have to be in the right place at the right time. You then have to be willing to put in the work, have a passion for what you're doing and be comfortable with the idea of being in the spotlight.

In my career I feel like I've been pretty successful. From pushing boundaries to making ideas a reality, my daily goal is to prove myself to those around me who may not know what I'm capable of doing.

That said, never have I felt more inadequate for the tasks and challenges in front of me than I feel today. What is expected of me on a daily basis is more than I know what to do with. It's clearly a lesson the universe is trying to teach me. In the words of a teammate at work, "If Jessi can make it through this, the sky is the limit for her career."

Success is for the gritty, the passionate, the persistent, the pushers, the dreamers, the outside of the box thinkers. Success is for me.

What I adore about the short TED Talk below is how simple success can be summarized by remarkable TED contributors who aren't strangers to what success looks like at its most fundamental level.

Before I leave you, I want to share my absolute favorite part from the video that happens at the 2:50 mark:

"PERSIST"

Persistence is the #1 reason for our success.

You have to persist through Failure and you have to persist through CRAP!

Criticism

Rejection

Assholes

Pressure

Yep! 4.5 Million Views and it can't be a hard 3 minutes of your life.

[ted id=70]

TED Tuesday: 5 Ways to Listen Better

Me: "Did you hear what I said?"

Dan: "What?"

Me: "Did you he__, you're a jerk."

DANGER: We are losing our listening!

Do you consider yourself a good listener, or feel like you actually retain what you hear?

We are often distracted by multiple sounds, multiple signals and competing 'noise' from all directions and on average only retain 25% of what we hear.

I for one have a problem focusing on just one thing at a time. I'm constantly juggling an iPhone in one hand, a laptop in front of me, people asking me questions and email noise popping in left and right. I think of myself as efficient, but if the reality is that I'm only retaining 25% maybe I'm living my life wrong.

Confession #1: Just last week I recorded a conference call so that I could replay it back because I knew I wasn't going to be able to give 100% attention - and truly didn't even give 40%! Playing it back on a run over the weekend allowed me to get caught up on the meeting that I physically attended but emotionally ignored.

Confession #2: This 7 minute video shared below about ways to listen better? Yeah, I had to watch it 2 and a half times to capture all of the notes for this post because I was distracted by kittens running around the house, a Say Yes to the Dress marathon and the bustling neighborhood. Seriously, I couldn't even actively listen to a video about active listening (which could also be attributed to point #2 about day drinking in yesterday's post).

Confession #3: If you want me to really listen more, say less. Tami wrote a great tutorial on How to (not) Write a Press Release last week and I'm talking about "Mistake #2".

Maybe you're better than me, so how about you give it a try. Watch the video, actively listen, and get on board with being able to understand the people around you better than ever before.

[ted id=1200]

TED Tuesday: Where Real Work Happens

How many of you think that your place of work is where you feel the most creative and productive?

Nobody? Yeah me either.

The conversation today is about why we can't get real work done at work.

This is something that plagues me daily. If I was in a closed room, a music playlist already set for me, unlimited bottled water and some amazing fresh and healthy snacks - I truly think I'd be the most productive human being alive.

Reality? I work in an open-space environment and share about 60 square feet with 12 people and NO walls. Is a wall too much to ask for?

But seriously, people in the corporate world know the two most common killers of productivity very well. They're M&M's... Managers and Meetings. Thankfully for me, I have an amazing manager that isn't a helicopter dad and let's me and my co-workers run our own show. But meetings, interruptions and being accountable for any and every conversation in earshot can get incredibly exhausting.

Everyday (including yesterday) I'm at the office from 6am to 6pm and honestly my most productive hours are 6-8am and 4-6pm. This shouldn't be the case.

Those hours are my best and brightest because I'm able to have my headphones completely over my ears, emails aren't bouncing back and forth yet and there's so much more concentration to knock out the daily work. Once other people start showing up, I have to either take my headphones all the way off or can only have them over one ear when just in case somebody has a question or needs something.

Also in the past two years I've been told to pick up the phone when I need someone to do something for me but I agree with Jason Fried in the TED Talk below - a phone call in the middle of some serious brain waves can completely derail productivity. For me, a phone ringing makes me instantly sigh and worry about how long I'm going to be tied up on the line. Send me an email or an instant message and allow me to respond on my own time, I promise I'll get back to you!

Where I work, we have a beautiful campus complete with cafeterias, fitness centers, a hair and nail salon, a daycare and a beautiful running track where us employees can truly stay the entire day and love every minute of it. Those amenities are amazing and I need to take more advantage of them, but feel like my entire day is shot the minute the first person (after me) walks into the office.

What do you think, how can you make your place of work more productive and allow you to get actual work done during your assigned work hours?

And p.s. I don't have much time for it in my day job but I agree with Jason Fried that interacting with today's modern forms of Social Media at work IS equivalent to a smoke break you've never been able to take advantage of. 

Enjoy today's TED Talk!

[ted id=1014]

TED Tuesday: The Power of Introverts

Hi, my name is Jessi and I'm proud to admit that I've been living my life as an introvert.

Say it with me, Liz!

via

My life as an introvert hasn't been a secret to my friends and family, but always shocks people who know me as a friend, as an athlete and people in my work environment. Because I enjoy attention, engaging people in conversation and have no fear speaking up and speaking confidently there's a facade that I'm 'outgoing'. Truth is, you can be all of those things and still be an introvert at your core. Introversion speaks to how you respond to social stimulation.

As an introvert, I know that my most creative and powerful moments are when I'm alone in my own head. Runs {alone} are where I find my inner peace and going out for a dinner party of 10 isn't exactly on my must do for summer list. I respond much better to a night in my pajamas and a weekend with no plans.

Introverts often get a bad reputation for standing back, observing and thinking as these characteristics are interpreted as shy, quiet, unfit for leadership and anti-social. 

The truth of the matter is, we enjoy taking time to ourselves to think and recharge - like this handsomely introverted sloth I got for you:

via

I've shared this video before my TED Tuesday series began and it deserves a deeper look.

Susan Cain goes from personal experiences to real world examples of the way we live today that stifles the creativity of the 33-50% of introverts walking among us.

Open Environment work spaces (like the 12 people all staring at each other in mine) and desks facing each other in pods rather than rows in the school systems are geared toward extroverts. What this does is teaches us to believe introverts are doing it wrong, and it also doesn't teach the extroverts how to think before speaking, think independently or appreciate a good night of down-time.

Susan's Calls to Action at the end of the talk include:

1. Stop already with all this awful think inside the box group work


2. Go to the wilderness (or at least disconnect every once in a while)


3. Show the world your energy preference and stop trying so hard to work against it.

Once you've watched and you're hungry for more, Rachel's post last week reviews the book by Susan Cain titled "Quiet" and her own feelings living life as a beautiful introvert - it's worth a read!

PS: Susan Cain is also an introvert and see what you think of her as a public speaker!

[ted id=1377]

TED Tuesday: Reframing Will Change You

Let's get intellectual!

Today's TED Talk is from Rory Sutherland who is a charismatic speaker and an advertising man who will catch your attention with the magic of perception. I absolutely love the fresh energy he brings to the stage and have no shortage of talks to share with you.

I love this particular talk because Rory's consistent message demonstrates that measuring reality isn't the guide to human happiness - perception is!

We've talked here before about tricking your mind with body language, loving the work you do to gain a happiness advantage and even making yourself kick it into gear with 30 is not the new 20.

Today's twist is a little different and really takes less effort to understand and to apply reframing to your everyday world.

Reframing, what is it?

It's taking an existing situation, putting a beautiful spin on it and turning your world into a brighter place.

Here are a few simple things I have changed my perception about in the last year:

1. My 30-90 minute commute in the evenings after work can be a serious d r a g, but rather than curse everyone around me I've channeled that energy into candidly taking car selfies when my eye-liner is still intact and listening to today's radio hits that don't exist anywhere else in my music-listening life.

2. No, I don't have a master's degree. No I'm not as successful as my brother. No, I'm not as entrepreneurial as my parents, blonde like my sisters or even as charming as my Daniel - but YES I'm making myself better everyday through personal, family and career goals and that's what I'm happy to compare myself to.

3. Let's talk bank account. I used to see what wasn't there. I didn't have money to just go buy a car like friends were doing, live in a swanky downtown apartment like my friends or even have the spare change to jet-set all the time. What I see now is what I've saved. I see my spending will-power in action, I see smart choices and I ultimately have grown up to see that I don't need more stuff.

Back to the talk. The quotation I wrote down after watching a few times was "the circumstances of our life are less significant than the control we feel over our lives." From animals to humans, if you feel that you have control over your choices you're happiness is multiplied compared with if you feel that circumstances are out of your control.

I love sharing talks that inspire us to use the tools that are already in your tool belt to foster a healthier and happier version of ourselves. You can become happier not by aspiring for bigger tools or better tools, but rather by acquiring the skill needed to wield those tools.

Rather than change reality, can you change your perception (and others' perceptions of you!)?

[ted id=1437]

TED Tuesday: Start a Movement

My friends, you are in for a major treat today!

I believe this was one of the very first TED Talks I was ever exposed to (thanks, brother!) and it still resonates with me today.

What I seriously love about this video is how organic and pure a movement can be. What begins as a wild, carefree and maybe a little inebriated concert-goer enjoying some music and letting his body groove [who hasn't been there?] turns into a full-blown party thank you to the first of many followers who courage and confidence.

via

It's no doubt that you've been told for your entire life that leadership is an invaluable quality. That's because it is. But if we were all leaders, then who would we be leading and what changes would we really be making?

For a leader to be effective, it's necessary to have a first follower.

Not a follower like that pesky fly that kept landing on your hamburger this weekend, but a follower who will support the leader's vision. A follower who will stick their neck out for their leader and a follower who will give other followers an example.

As you'll see in the short video, one follower, two followers, three followers and all of a sudden the dance of the young and free is less risky, more fun and the hippest place to be.

Take a look and tell me - who would you rather be, the lone nut or the first follower?

[ted id=814]

TED Talks: Ideas Worth Spreading

TED Tuesday: Get More Sleep

Ladies, what do you think about joining me in my mission to sleep my way to the top?

And by sleeping I really do mean getting the best night's rest possible, no strings attached.

I love this TED Talk because it glorifies one of the most wonderful things Dan and I cherish on weeknights and weekends -some quality Zz's.

Through college, I lived off of short naps and craved those long weekends where I could shut down my brain and re-group on my sleep. I wasn't losing sleep because I was out having a great time, I was losing sleep because my day was full of classes and practice and my part-time job.

At that point in my life I didn't have any other time to cram in my homework other than in the ugly hours of the night. I'd force myself to stay awake by doing laundry at 1am, brewing coffee, setting an alarm for every 40 minutes, just in case I accidentally fell asleep while cramming for my next big exam. I'd hunt out the best late night coffee shops and would even become a regular at these places, occasionally scoring a cute guy's phone number out of the deal who was the same kind of 'crazy' that I was.

Because I was still successful and "able to function" with this snooze schedule, I fooled myself into believing that little sleep made me highly productive. It was a poor illusion that I had where I truly believed that those who slept in on weekends, didn't take 8am classes and didn't have bags under their eyes were fools for all the hours they were missing out on.

No Sleep Til' Brooklyn was my jam.

As I've grown older I understand and appreciate the beauty and benefit from a wonderful night's rest. My skin looks better, my eyes are brighter, I'm enthusiastic, I'm driven and all the way around I'm an easier person to communicate with. As a Type A woman driven to make a difference in my world, sleep deprivation is my very worst enemy and Dan's done a great job of getting me into that routine. We are in bed by 9pm most nights and still get 7-8 hours, depending on whether we decide to run or rest in the morning.

More sleep, less caffeine, better decisions and healthier outlook. It's easy.

So thanks for the great reminder, Arianna. We could all use a better night's rest and an opportunity to shut down our engines.

[ted id=1044]

TED Talks: Ideas Worth Spreading

TED Tuesday: Ask for Thanks

My favorite day is here, TED Talk Tuesday!

First Question: How often do you say "Thank You"?

You say it genuinely and with purpose, don't you? You say it when people provide you a service, you say it when you receive a gift you love or don't even like. You say it to your co-workers for giving you a hand and you probably even say thank you when your boss or someone in power gives you more work, just like I do.

You say it when your spouse or significant other does the laundry, and not only does the laundry but folds/steams your clothes and lays them neatly on the bed. (Thank you, Dan). 

Better Question: How often do you ask someone to say "Thank You" for something you've done?

....no, me either. And why don't we?

I believe I'm worthy of a "thank you" for working 12 hours non-stop yesterday. My soul would benefit from a "thank you" for being a cheerleader, a motivator, a hard-worker, an innovator, a risk-taker, a leader, a voice, a heart, a scratching post - so why don't I ask for it?

It's not my nature to reveal myself to people and give them a view of what I need emotionally. In the video below, Laura Trice nails it on the head when she says that the reason we find it scary to ask for thanks is because someone could neglect us, they could abuse the information, or they could actually meet our need and change the way we feel. terrifying.

Ask for thanks when you do chores, ask for thanks when you go the extra mile, and make sure that you're asking your loved ones what they need thanks for. It matters.

In today's short and sweet TED talk, Laura takes three minutes of your time and asks you to "true your wheels" and be honest about the praise you need to hear. I recommend watching more than once.

Thank you, readers - your support means the world to me!

[ted id=349]

TED Talks: Ideas Worth Spreading