Do you realize what life might look like without access to the Internet at home? Do you know how bummed my guy is that we can't view the start of March Madness from our brand new couch and loveseat? Do you know how much money you'd spend at Starbucks, and the awkward moments that would follow, if you had to go there every time you needed to use more than just your mobile phone to get your mischief managed?
This could easily be a rant about our experience with Comcast moving service from one home to another, but instead it's going to be a confession of the person you become without Wi-Fi or cable for 20 days and counting.
You buy $3 movies from value bins and you watch them. Then you miss how funny movies used to be. We have bought/watched Dodgeball, Ferris Bueller's Day off, Coming to America, Monty Python and the Holy Grail and already owned some classics like Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 1, Best of SNL and Zoolander.
You 'hang out' at Starbucks but then the barista/local photographer wants to do some tasteful nude portraits with you to build their portfolio. It's awkward, and you realize you're spending way too much money for what Starbucks considers 'coffee'. You really just need their signal, and you may be better off just sitting on their patio and bringing your brew from home.
You adult date with apartment neighbors you never got to know as you plan fun picnics at the park and watch the kids play with kites, bubbles and slides. And here you were worried they hated you as upstairs neighbors with your stompy footsteps the entire past year.
You cook more often, and you finally perfect your bacon-lattice meatloaf with your new convection oven. You learn what a warming drawer can do for your cooking game and you cherish the new freezer and its incredible storage.
You sit by your pool and dream about jumping into it when the weather heats up, but also talk about the weeds and the lawncare that home ownership is going to take. And start bargaining to do the indoor chores indefinitely to get you out of the weed pulling, because humidity.
You play board games and work on puzzles, and do projects around your new home together to continue making it yours. You sink your boyfriend's battleship and hate that he still knows Seinfeld trivia better than you.
You go to bed earlier. You still wake up feeling groggy and sleepy-faced, but you find that all of a sudden it's not 'WHAT, it's 11pm?'. It's 'ha, can you believe it's only 8pm?'
You spend more time on each other. No explanation needed.
If it wasn't for March Madness and the Starbucks situation, I might like to keep having these Comcast issues for a while longer. It's reminded me of my life in Portland without a TV.
What would you start doing if you lost access to WiFi and cable temporarily?