Twenty days sober.
I'll be getting a little personal today, so if feels aren't your thing then you've been warned to avoid the mush below.
Today we're talking about my sobriety from a boy
Ha, sorry - you didn't think I was talking about booze did you? Oh no, I've had my fair share of imbibing this month
I'm twenty days sober from a love that swept me off my feet. A love where two souls were drawn together by magnetic force.
In what felt like the fastest six months of my life, we met, we fell in love, we started to plan a future and abruptly struggled to find the words to say goodbye. Twenty days ago after much trial and error, we finally figured out how.
How could I say goodbye to the one who made my heart beat a little faster? The one who made my feathers puff out to their fullest? Goodbye to the one who encouraged me to be unapologetic about being the quirky and awkward Jessi I can be? The one who changed the way I look at myself and the way I look at others?
Silence. That's how.
One of the first things my long-distance lover gave me was a magical pair of rose-colored glasses. These glasses that he convinced me to wear gave the world a different girl than the one you see today. They made me believe that I had found the very best for me. That I had accomplished everything I was ever going to. They made me believe love was enough. They stifled my vision of a beautiful family that was all my own.
The greatest injustice that these glasses did was that they actually made me close my eyes.
Late in the month of January this year he decided to let me take the glasses off. I blinked my eyes and finally got a glimpse of the reality I'd ignored. I could see the life I was giving up. I could see the dreams that were no longer within reach.
I could see, which meant that my eyes were finally open.
How could I say goodbye to the one who made my heart beat a little faster? The one who made my feathers puff out to their fullest? Goodbye to the one who encouraged me to be unapologetic about being the quirky and awkward Jessi I can be? The one who changed the way I look at myself and the way I look at others?
Silence. That's how.
One of the first things my long-distance lover gave me was a magical pair of rose-colored glasses. These glasses that he convinced me to wear gave the world a different girl than the one you see today. They made me believe that I had found the very best for me. That I had accomplished everything I was ever going to. They made me believe love was enough. They stifled my vision of a beautiful family that was all my own.
The greatest injustice that these glasses did was that they actually made me close my eyes.
Late in the month of January this year he decided to let me take the glasses off. I blinked my eyes and finally got a glimpse of the reality I'd ignored. I could see the life I was giving up. I could see the dreams that were no longer within reach.
I could see, which meant that my eyes were finally open.
Quite ironically, he was the one who convinced me to have the strength to never settle. Opening my eyes made me realize that a future with him would be exactly that; settling.
So for twenty days now, there's been silence.
No contact, no communication, no ignored texts and no missed calls.
This doesn't mean texts haven't been drafted or songs that mean something haven't been played. It doesn't mean that this blog isn't what he reads first thing in the morning or my instagram isn't the last thing he checks at night. But it does mean that I'm on the road to recovery and I've never felt better.
And do you want to know some amazing things have come from this blissful silence?
- More focus at work
- Quiet time to myself in the evenings (to find gifs and Netflix binge, duh)
- Freedom to date (Sup, Portland?)
- Better workouts
- More beautiful blog friends (and more amazing comments each and every day)
Thanks for sticking around with me today.
20 days is a huge milestone and it feels like I'm onto something.
Enjoy the silence, friends.
