Thursday, May 22, 2014

Finding My Happy

"Jessi, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

"Happy."

I've been on a mission to discover what "happiness" means to me over the past few months and I'm finally ready to share some of the things that I've learned about myself.

At 26 years old I thought that I would know what makes me happy. Fundamentally, I know that I enjoy a sunny day and recognition for a job well done - or flowers just because. But sometimes the world doesn't always show us those sunny days and sometimes the only flowers you get are the ones you buy or grow yourself.

I understood the need to find my happy within myself - the happy that couldn't be controlled by someone or something else.

It's been quite the amazing journey.

For me, finding happiness hasn't been an attempt to make the good things better. It's been discovering the things that make me unhappy and finding ways to cope with them, change the way they impact me and actually turning them into positives.

This process of deconstructing the un-happy has helped to make me less insecure, less guarded, less afraid - and as a result, I've set the foundation to find my true and honest happy place.



Happy is not worrying what others think of me. It's mouthing the words to John Legend's "All of Me" in public (or in the car) and not caring who sees. It's posting another selfie to instagram because I like the way my eyes look - even if it's the fifth consecutive selfie that I've posted in the span of two days.

Happy is writing without reservation. Letting my thoughts get published to the internet was once a scary thing - but now it's exciting. The more I write, the more I find people out there that are just like me. Whether it's something superficial like what kind of eyeliner I use or something serious like how I've blossomed from a breakup - I learn more and more about myself by the community that's unfolded in front of me.  

Happy is wearing less make-up, spending less money on clothes, embracing the way I look in glasses and the way my hair gets frizzy when I've stepped out in the rain without an umbrella. It's putting on clothes in the morning and not standing in front of my closet for another 10 minutes trying to find something that will look better. It's standing in front of the mirror and being proud of the reflection staring back at me.

Happy is taking risks. Seeking rejection. Getting surprised by acceptance. Not setting expectations on the way I think that others should think, feel and react. Happy is forgiving myself. Being honest about what I want.

Happy is stepping out of my scary and stifling 'comfort zone'. Realizing the magic that happens when I test myself and try new things. For example, when I purposefully go to dance class because I have no rhythm, then watching as I improve and even begin to love it. That feeling transfers into other things and helps me to continue to take risks on other things that make me uncomfortable. 

Happy is being comfortable saying no. And being comfortable saying yes. It's having the freedom to make my own decisions because they feel good and they feel right. Not because they're the ones I feel socially pressured to make.  

Happy is shamelessly being me. The goofy, silly, witty, unfiltered me who loves to laugh at myself and loves to laugh with others. Laughter is the key to my heart and the instant way to gain my affection.

Happy is finding the beauty in others. Their imperfections, their quirks, their fears and dreams. Encouraging them to follow their passions - and to be passionate about something. Helping someone else find the happy that they deserve too. Happiness is sharing with others the keys to finding their own happy - whatever that means for them.

I'm proud of the woman I've become and the happiness I continue to pursue.

 photo Signature.png

33 comments

Krystal R. said...

You go girl! Happy is being comfortable in my own skin and feeling relaxed about my decisions.

BLovedBoston said...

So beautifully written and you are so gorgeous inside and out!!! I totally agree all I want to be is happy and healthy - because without those two, no amount of money or anything else will get you there!!

Kathy @ Vodka and Soda said...

beautiful post! to me, happiness is being able to look around and feeling content and calm :)

-kathy
Vodka and Soda

Amy Fashion Blog said...

you go girl! I'm so happy to hear your happy. For a few month I wasn't happy and not me. I find the more I work out the happier I get. Also it makes me enjoy my clothes more. Which also make me happy. I don't post to many selfie on the internet but I do share all my good and bad run on there.

birdie to be said...

Happy... what a good answer and post!

Lauren said...

I love this post! So happy you are finding yourself and doing YOU instead of worrying so much! I love LOVE the idea of deconstructing the un-happy.You're doing great!

Illegally Blonde said...

Amen. Happy is something different to every person, but mostly is being comfortable in your own skin and with our decisions and life. i too spent so much time trying to be someone else's happy, that I lost my own. I have been amazed how much better I feel, physically, mentally , and emotionally when I stopped trying to make others happy and focused on myself. take risks. smile often. and pray.

Tracey said...

This is so inspirational. I loved reading this!

That picture of you is so stunning, you are glowing and radiating happiness.

Kristen said...

yes, yes, yes and a thousand times yes.
i am super happy with my life, but not myself (as you know) but that is quickly changing and i already feel a bazillion times better than i did a few days ago. love ya! xo

Amanda Nicole said...

Beautifully said. When you are happy with yourself, everything else seems to fall right into place.

Nadine Lynn said...

Your happy sounds like a great place to be and something we should all strive for! Love this!

brooke lyn said...

happy looks good on you, lady

P!nky said...

Happy is jamming and singing Pharell's Happy on REPEAT!!!!

<3 you Miss Happy

Melissa Suggitt said...

you're prettiest when you smile! :)

this is such a great post jess. inspirational.

luh you long time.

Kasey Lynne said...

LOVE this.
So glad that you're on the road of true happiness, and that you're doing it for you and you only! Happy for you that you're in a great place and things will only get better!

alyssa said...

Ah, what a great and refreshing post. Thanks for capturing so well so much of what I've been learning over the last couple months as well. Nailed it. Cheers to happiness :)

Amanda - Voyage of the MeeMee said...

I absolutely LOVE the way you put this... "deconstructing the un-happy"... I've honestly never thought about it that way. Huge eye opener! I'm proud of you... THIS you: "Happy is shamelessly being me." :)

MakeMeUpMia said...

Wonderful post girl and I absolutely love your "don't care what anybody thinks about me" attitude. I think this is the only way to be!

Macey Snelson said...

YESSSSSSSSS! *fistpump* for your happiness! It's so empowering to recognize to just full and perfect you are standing alone and finding, and embracing, what makes YOU happy. I'm proud of you, and overjoyed for your happiness! The most powerful thing I've discovered since my own breakup last year is that true happiness does not mean being upbeat and energized all the time. True happiness comes from peace during the low energy and sad times, knowing that at the core, you'll be just fine. <3

MacKensie said...

You are amazing. This post makes me happy. I'm very proud of you and I need you to teach me your ways. Love yoooou.

Kerry said...

I love this post. Just reading about your happy things made me feel happy. And it made me believe that I too can reach my happy place. Where I can turn all of the negatives that I encounter into positives.
You look so happy in your picture too.

Brittany said...

Yay! Love this :)

"Happiness is not a destination, it is a manner of travel"

MiglÄ— said...

It's the first post of yours I've ever read and I enjoyed it so much. It's so true and so real. It is so important to be happy being yourself and it's such a long journey but such a rewarding one as well :) x

Meg {henninglove} said...

i hate that question what do you want to be when you grow up? who the heck knows! i think i hate that question because they want a job or a career answer but i don't necessarily want that like you i want to be happy or secretly i always wanted to be a stay at home mom but was too afraid to say that

Kayla Moothart said...

I LOVE this!

Lexalicious said...

i love this! i realized the other day that most of unhappiness stems from worrying about what others think or if i'd upset someone else, which is absurd because then i end up doing things i don't want to do and mad about it. this is a wonderful reminder to be happy in your own way :)

Aubrie said...

Be shameless girl, don't worry about make-up, try new things and learn to love the word "no." Loved this. You inspired Macey… she inspired me… we all wrote down some happy lists today. http://aubrielegault.blogspot.com/2014/05/its-small-things-that-count.html

Katie Elizabeth said...

Love love love this! Letting go of how others perceive me has been a big "step" in the direction of happiness for me. Not caring as much about how I look or what others are going to think about my decisions has been beyond freeing!

Just Me, Angie! said...

My happy is this!

LG @ thelaurelgazette.com said...

you go girl. And keep on posting consecutive selfies -- as many as you want -- if it makes you happy, because your smiling beautiful face reminds me to be happy. Everybody wins!

Caitlin @ CaitlinLiz.com said...

Love it! Cheers to happiness! I've been discovering these little things too and I'd like to add that happiness is also DISCOVERING these new, simple forms of happiness :)

Bonnie Weeks said...

I love this. It's a great list of happiness and will definitely grow with time!

Amy @ Living n Learning said...

Love love love this! I'm proud of you for working on you and finding your happy. It's inspiring that you've done this and then shared it with the blog world to read.