Monday, February 3, 2014

Hakuna Matata

Hakuna Matata. What a wonderful phrase. 

Don't let that gif offend you, Timon doesn't mean any harm and neither do I.

I invite you to participate in some real-talk for the next four minutes if you care to join me.

February 1st will always be the anniversary of the day I entered adulthood. I'm 26 years old and I have a lot of life, living and learning to do - but February 1, 2014 marks a beginning of gaining perspective, empathy, self-respect, courage, love, honesty, resilience and a hell of a lot of grit.

The past year of my life has been upside-down for so many reasons. My career, my relationships, my friendships, my thoughts, my actions, my dreams and my perception. I look back and the person I see isn't the person I am. The person I see is wounded, faced adversity, hurt others, overlooked reality and lost the value of believing I am more than just good enough. I do not see myself as a victim, but do admit to my inexperience in matters of the heart.

I've set no deadline for the healing that I need to go through as I can't foresee the work and time it will take to build my confidence, strength and trust back up. I'm inexpressibly thankful for the wonderful people around me who can help me rebuild. I want to take time to mend my heart and do my best to mend the hearts of others.

Everything that became so clear to me this weekend brought out so many emotions that I didn't know how to manage them in my fragile and open heart. Through love and friendship and the healing power of golden retriever puppies I've come out on the other side thankful for all of the positive energy in my world.

Because, hell.

I deserve to have dreams. 
I deserve to write my own story. 
I deserve to build my own foundation. 
I deserve to have a voice. 
I deserve love without reservation.
I deserve honesty.
I deserve to choose who shares my world.
I deserve to have a beautiful life.

I have a beautiful life. 

This weekend I spent a few days with my amazing parents who love me unconditionally. I made it to a place in the relationship with my parents that we've never been to before. I removed literally half of my Facebook friends (for various reasons or no reason at all). I went through the pain-in-the-ass exercise of blocking people on Instagram that don't need to know about me. I deleted about 1,000 photos from my iPhone camera roll to remove what doesn't need to live there anymore and also all the sriracha photos for those who know about my fiery addiction. I removed apps that I no longer use and did my best to erase memories that will hold me back from being the confident, strong, self-respecting woman I know I am.

I cleaned my closet and it felt amazing.

This post was written for me. It's one that I will read over and over to remind myself of the way I feel and the person I want to be, but I hope that it's for you too. You deserve everything you've ever dreamed of.

Life is wonderful. Hakuna Matata.


Marisa @ Uproot from Oregon said...

Hey beautiful lady- I am so proud of you for doing things for YOU. Cleaning out your closet and these other external things really help to feel refreshed and decluttered. Thanks for the reminder that happiness is key. I am proud of you in a want-to-emulate-your-happiness kind of way :)

Lauren said...

Good for you! Social media cleaning feels so GOOD, and so does some soul-searching! Cheers to the next part of your journey!

brooke lyn said...

when you want to clean out your actual closet again, you know who to call ;) but no really, i heart you.

Ashley said...

This is a great post! All of the stuff that happened over the last year is only making you stronger!

Rachel Sedaker said...

De-cluttering and removing the unnecessary is so liberating. I've done some removing, but I have more I could do. I'm with you in hoping to get to the place where I can trust. And having a beautiful life starts with believing you have it- so go get it!

Whitney Alison said...

So pretty. Good for you with all of this lady! Good for you.

Kasey Lynne said...

You'll only go up from here!! :)

Amanda RunToTheFinish said...

Can I just say, I stopped by on the right day because I want to say HELL YES let's do it. I made a big leap a few years ago and know that now it's time to do it again. I've been dancing around a bunch of decisions and it's done. Time to take action!

MacKensie said...

this post is amazing. well said, my friend. also, you look beautiful.

Anna @ A Dash of Quirky said...

You DO deserve everything you've dreamed of. We've only got one life to live!!

Tori said...

What a great reminder! :)

LG @ said...

Love this post, love you, love the uplifting and honest outlook.

Krystal R. said...

Yeah Im late but this post is beautiful girl and its EXACTLY where Im at right now. I cut out the BS and although I am still struggling because its been years, Ill make it. Step one: get fit again! I was fit before I met him and I will get fit again! So glad I 'met' you and your blog(s)! :D

Krystal R. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
P!nky said...

What a raw and beautiful post. I'm glad you are healing and cleansing! It's an amazing feeling! xoxo <3