Hakuna Matata

Hakuna Matata. What a wonderful phrase. 

Don't let that gif offend you, Timon doesn't mean any harm and neither do I.

I invite you to participate in some real-talk for the next four minutes if you care to join me.

February 1st will always be the anniversary of the day I entered adulthood. I'm 26 years old and I have a lot of life, living and learning to do - but February 1, 2014 marks a beginning of gaining perspective, empathy, self-respect, courage, love, honesty, resilience and a hell of a lot of grit.

The past year of my life has been upside-down for so many reasons. My career, my relationships, my friendships, my thoughts, my actions, my dreams and my perception. I look back and the person I see isn't the person I am. The person I see is wounded, faced adversity, hurt others, overlooked reality and lost the value of believing I am more than just good enough. I do not see myself as a victim, but do admit to my inexperience in matters of the heart.

I've set no deadline for the healing that I need to go through as I can't foresee the work and time it will take to build my confidence, strength and trust back up. I'm inexpressibly thankful for the wonderful people around me who can help me rebuild. I want to take time to mend my heart and do my best to mend the hearts of others.

Everything that became so clear to me this weekend brought out so many emotions that I didn't know how to manage them in my fragile and open heart. Through love and friendship and the healing power of golden retriever puppies I've come out on the other side thankful for all of the positive energy in my world.

Because, hell.

I deserve to have dreams. 

I deserve to write my own story. 

I deserve to build my own foundation. 

I deserve to have a voice. 

I deserve love without reservation.

I deserve honesty.
I deserve to choose who shares my world.
I deserve to have a beautiful life.

I have a beautiful life. 

This weekend I spent a few days with my amazing parents who love me unconditionally. I made it to a place in the relationship with my parents that we've never been to before. I removed literally half of my Facebook friends (for various reasons or no reason at all). I went through the pain-in-the-ass exercise of blocking people on Instagram that don't need to know about me. I deleted about 1,000 photos from my iPhone camera roll to remove what doesn't need to live there anymore and also all the sriracha photos for those who know about my fiery addiction. I removed apps that I no longer use and did my best to erase memories that will hold me back from being the confident, strong, self-respecting woman I know I am.

I cleaned my closet and it felt amazing.

This post was written for me. It's one that I will read over and over to remind myself of the way I feel and the person I want to be, but I hope that it's for you too. You deserve everything you've ever dreamed of.

Life is wonderful. Hakuna Matata.